Sometimes when you write something on the page, it can seem very funny, but when you act it out - and this happens to me a lot, actually - the melancholy of the situation becomes more front and center.

Like with 'Parks and Recreation,' it's so much fun because the people writing it are funny and they're open and you just go in there and have a good time. It's pretty much the easiest job I've ever had.

Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.

When I was born I owed twelve dollars.

I do find things funny. When you see life through the eyes of someone with a good sense of humor, which my grandmother did, life is a human comedy.

I am certain there is too much certainty in the world.

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.

People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading.

So often, I read scripts and am like, 'This would never happen in real life. It's not trying to be funny. It's trying to be serious.'

It's funny how God will change your plans for you when he's ready.

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

I went out with seven actors in a row. There are problems with that. I've had the really good-looking dramatic actor, and that has its problems. And then I'll go out with the funny guy. It's almost like the funny guy has more to prove.

I saw a stationery store move.

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

To the U.S. and the world, I'm just known as some funny song and some funny music, some funny video guy. But in Korea I'm doing one of the biggest concerts; it's not a dance music concert. I'm playing with the band, so I change my every song to a rock song.

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.'

I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.

Not everybody agrees on what's funny, obviously.

If at first you don't succeed, blame your parents.

I get a stack of scripts, like, once a month, and most of the time, you find these placeholder girls that are there to provide a bounce for the male character. So we know he's funny because she's serious and she's mad at him. We know he's strong because she needs saving. So really, her job is to validate this personality trait of our hero or male.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

The stuff we're seeing in 'Deadpool' and 'Harley Quinn' now, Plastic Man was doing in the 1940s. It's a character that was ahead of its time back then and the stories are still funny and still relevant.

As I get older, I just prefer to knit.

I think serial monogamy says it all.

I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room.

Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine.

Every girls' night needs a funny movie and a good conversation about guys! My friends and I also love picking outfits out for each other to try on at slumber parties. It's so fun.

If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.

It's funny, but as time goes by, I get stopped in airports all the time, and it's always about 'Shannon's Deal.'

Someone told me that when they go to Vermont, they feel like they're home. I'm that way at Saks.

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

Never take a solemn oath. People think you mean it.

I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced.

When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine.

My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?