Funny - Quotes & Sayings

I wasn't close to my father, but I wanted to be all my life. He had a funny sense of humor, and he laughed all the time - good and loud, like I do. He was a gay Irish gentleman and very good-looking. And he wanted to be close to me, too, but we never had much time together.

Judy Garland

I'm really not that funny in real life! But I am the best audience one could find. I love to laugh.

Carol Burnett

I find, when you're an optimist, life has a funny way of looking after you.

Simon Sinek

Life is funny. If you don't laugh, you're in trouble.

Taylor Hawkins

If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.

Hillary Clinton

It's a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children.

Alan Alda

The funny thing is, I'm so used to not caring what anyone says, good or bad, that unfortunately even when people say good things... I wish it made me feel good, but it doesn't.

Rob Zombie

I grew up as a very sarcastic person. I was always the class clown, and to date girls, I had to be really funny. I was really skinny growing up. I was so thin, I had to run around in the shower to get wet. That kind of thin. So I always had to rely on humor and sarcasm.

Kurt Fuller

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.

Charles M. Schulz

A good actor is someone who knows how to take the part and make it real and make it honest and be effective in it. If it's in a funny movie and, as long as they are cast in an appropriate way, humor will come from it.

Ivan Reitman

I'm not that good looking. That's why 'Gangnam Style' works. If someone handsome uses that phrase it's just awkward. But if someone like me uses it, it's funny.

Psy

I'm going to take this God-given gift of being funny, and I'm going to spread it out like peanut butter on everything I do.

Steve Harvey

What I am looking for is a blessing not in disguise.

Jerome K. Jerome

I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends.

Walt Whitman

I like having a beard. What's funny is when you shave a beard, you realize how freezing cold your face is! The primary purpose evolution-wise is to keep you warm, to grow hair on your face. You shave it off, and your face is freezing for a few days.

Adam Scott

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

George Burns

If you're funny, if there's something that makes you laugh, then every day's going to be okay.

Tom Hanks

If you're naturally kind, you attract a lot of people you don't like.

William Feather

I'm crazy, funny, and good looking!

Alex Wolff

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

W. Clement Stone

Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax.

Charles Kettering

Reality continues to ruin my life.

Bill Watterson

The funny thing about directing is that you have your own opinions, but it's a collaboration. Directing is a group effort. Even though you might think something works, the smartest thing you can do as a director is try and weigh the opinions of the people around you.

Chris Evans

My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious.

Bill Burr

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

Joan Rivers

I always just wanted to be funny. I never really planned to be scary.

R. L. Stine

The funny thing is, I've never really hurt myself in an action movie. I've done 'Wanted,' 'X-Men,' 'Welcome To The Punch,' even 'Trance' to a certain extent has little bits of action and stuff, but I've never really hurt myself at all - not even like a sprained ankle.

James McAvoy

Maori get pigeonholed into the idea they're spiritual and telling stories like 'Whale Rider' and 'Once Were Warriors,' quite serious stuff, but we're pretty funny people, and we never really have had an opportunity to show that side of ourselves, the clumsy, nerdy side of ourselves, which is something I am.

Taika Waititi

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

David Lee Roth

When you see things upside down, the ego can be extraordinarily funny; it's absurd. But it's tragic at the same time.

Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Fred Allen

Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.

Wilson Mizner

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.

H. L. Mencken

There's nothing I dislike more than being in a photo shoot where they say, 'Be yourself.' That's not why I became an actress. That's what I find so funny: that you become an actor, and all of a sudden, everyone wants to know about you. But I didn't become an actor so I could show you me.

Margot Robbie

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

Oscar Wilde

I basically started performing for my mother, going, 'Love me!' What drives you to perform is the need for that primal connection. When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be charming and funny for her, and I learned that by being entertaining, you make a connection with another person.

Robin Williams

Be obscure clearly.

E. B. White

Only bad golfers are lucky. They're the ones bouncing balls off trees, curbs, turtles and cars. Good golfers have bad luck. When you hit the ball straight, a funny bounce is bound to be unlucky.

Lee Trevino

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.

Saint Augustine

I have found that people who really want to work at 'Saturday Night Live' and pursue it get pretty close. You have to be funny - but everyone who works there, it was their dream to work there. So it's kind of nice in that way - there's a lot of people who say, 'I just always wanted to do this, and now I'm doing it.'

John Mulaney

I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.

Samuel Goldwyn

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Woody Allen

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

Johnny Carson

I love every minute of fatherhood, staying up all night, changing nappies, kids crying, I find it really funny and inspiring. It connects you to the world in a new way.

Elton John

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. And if you do have to say it, make it really funny so I can screenshot it and save it for later.

Sabrina Carpenter

It is funny that men who are supposed to be scientific cannot get themselves to realise the basic principle of physics, that action and reaction are equal and opposite, that when you persecute people you always rouse them to be strong and stronger.

Gertrude Stein

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

Joan Rivers

My favourite comedian, of course, is Tim Conway. He has a way about him - being that belly-laugh kind of funny, and he has the improvisational skills, too. I've never seen anybody better.

Carol Burnett

An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.

Don Marquis

I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.

Stephen Fry