It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

I started dating older men, and I would fall in love with them. I thought they could teach me about life.

I stopped dating for six months a year ago. Dating requires a lot of energy and focus.

I have learned the art of filling in your lines with your visuals and your movies and your imagination.

I've had two romances since moving to Las Vegas. One was with somebody 12 years older than me, and the other was the same age, and neither worked out. I know people still think of me as one of Hugh Hefner's girlfriends, and he of course was much older than me, but that was a whole different lifestyle and a different kind of dating.

If I could have a Barbie body, which has no cellulite, I totally would. I would like to have a flatter stomach, but that won't happen either. That is never going to happen. No matter how much weight I lose, my stomach, below the belly button, always pooches out.

Since I've been pregnant, I've lost my taste for fast food. I used to be the biggest McDonald's junkie and now I don't like it anymore. I used to be the biggest fast-food connoisseur, and now I've really lost my taste for it.

I like food too much to go on some crazy diet. French fries are my favorite downfall.

Dating now is a lot like going shopping when you don't have any money. Even if you find the right thing, you can't do anything about it.

I'm not saying dating is sinful, and I'm not saying a guy and a girl should never spend time alone together. I'm saying let's wait until we can be purposeful, so there's a reason behind our relationship, and we're not just stirring up passion for the sake of a good time.

I was dating this guy and we would spend all day text messaging each other. And he thought that he could tell that he liked me more because he actually spelt the word 'YOU' and I just put the letter 'U'.

They are the only people in the world who I can truly trust and rely on. Touring gets really lonely. I guess I have friends around me but when you're paying them can they ever really be true friends?

I'm an emotional eater. When I get upset, my diet goes out the window.

I knew a ton of actors and was friends with them, but I never dated actresses. I tried to date 'normal' people because the Hollywood dating rule is 'one star per couple' because it's quite a challenge to match the egos of two actors.

It's always been my personal feeling that unless you are married, there is something that is not very dignified about talking about who you are dating.

In my experience with women that I've dated and my wife now, is you have to know what they care about. And even if you aren't a huge fan of it, you still have to have interest in it and it has to be genuine because women do it for men all the time.

Not everybody agrees on what's funny, obviously.

Dating, to people, can mean completely different things.

'In the Pines' is a very old song dating back to slavery. Lead Belly made it popular.

I just take things one day at a time. I'm just thankful that I have my legs, my arms, my eyes.

I'm single, and I hate dating.

I definitely try to live my life in a very fearless manner, but there are no other sports that you jump from a three-story building and land on your hands! Diving is a lot like life. You just have to trust in what you know and allow it to happen.

I don't know if there is a 'lack' of good black men. But when you haven't taken the time to get to know yourself, be OK with you, and articulate what it is you want in a relationship, then you can't possibly find that person for you because you don't even know what you're looking for.

My mom didn't believe in putting chemicals in hair. But when I got to college, we didn't have A/C in our dorms freshman year. So after several days of waking up looking like a Chia Pet, I was like 'OK, I'm gonna get a perm.' And then my hair revolted and fell out. I was over that quick, fast and in a hurry.

While actors are great and awesome, writers literally create new worlds from scratch. What is sexier than that? Personally, I don't know why every last person out there isn't dating a writer.

Only children are weird. The only children I know, including myself, are either superweird or very talented and special or a mix of the two. I think there was always a certain independence and loneliness - I had a lot of imaginary friends as a kid.

The No. 1 thing I am earnestly attracted to is intelligence.

I had a relationship where we found out each other's Facebook passwords and would check each other's messages. That's not healthy.

I was kind of an unhappy kid. I always felt like a cynical New Yorker trapped in a little kid's body. I started to get some pretty bad anxiety disorders around puberty, which totally did not work with growing up a mile away from the beach. I started cutting my own hair.

I'm a comedian, and I have my share of anxiety and depression; so do most of my friends. My humor tends to lie in the juxtaposition of extreme lightness - I'm a huge musical-theater fan - and extreme darkness. And so I really like playing with those because that's how I feel.

Julianne Moore and Michael Keaton began in 1980s soap operas and 1970s sitcoms, respectively, such ancient history by show business standards that you need carbon dating to measure their careers.

'The Company You Keep' is about outgrowing not just the delusions that accompany youth but the harsh certainties driving our lives and then trapping them before the years outpace the velocity of our dreams.

Nothing manifests more persuasively the American contradiction than that the author of the Declaration of Independence, a slave owner, wrote an antislavery clause into the document - as if to compel himself to be better than he was - which then had to be edited out so the Southern states, including Thomas Jefferson's own, would sign it.

Scarlett Johansson has a smile she tries to suppress in every movie she makes. She's been trying to keep a straight face since she appeared with Bill Murray 11 years ago in her breakthrough, 'Lost in Translation.'

Everybody knows now that Marie Lightfoot, the true crime writer, is dating Franklin DeWeese, the state attorney of Howard County, Florida. They know I'm a white woman; they know he's a black man. That's not news anymore.

I always hated high-school shows and high-school movies, because they were always about the cool kids. It was always about dating and sex, and all the popular kids, and the good-looking kids. And the nerds were super-nerdy cartoons, with tape on their glasses. I never saw 'my people' portrayed accurately.

Some black women hug me and walk away. A lot of black men talk about dating white women and how they've been there, too. People open up about their racial experiences. I feel like I'm a walking therapy session. It's quite intense. But it means a lot to people.

I always say, if a guy writes the same lead female character type over and over, we are not seeing their writing chops so much as their dating website wishlist.

The stuff we're seeing in 'Deadpool' and 'Harley Quinn' now, Plastic Man was doing in the 1940s. It's a character that was ahead of its time back then and the stories are still funny and still relevant.

When I think about Plastic Man, he was genuinely the first funny super hero. I'm obviously attracted to that. There's also this great mixture of tragedy in there, too, that I love. The humor comes from a place of pain.

Love was not in it for me at first. I dated guys because of the way they looked. And then I began to learn that it's what's inside that counts. Love to me now is understanding. It's giving.

'Sticky' is about reaching a point in a relationship where you both realize you guys shouldn't be dating, but you're doing it anyway just because you like to have that sense of just being able to be honest with the person and comfortable with the person. You kind of ignore all of the signs and red flags because you really want to like the person.

My first tattoo is a French proverb, and it says, 'Dream your life, live your dreams.'

I did Internet dating for a while, and that is rife with horrible dating stories.

I have experienced bad dating and ineptitude with women all across the globe, from Vietnam to Paris. When I was 21, women were an enigma; they were this code that had to be cracked. They were 'The Other.' I have often thought writing this stuff into stand-up and shows would be an exorcism, but it hasn't been; it makes no difference.

The reason I keep talking about a wife and saying the word 'wife' on stage is because it seems a funny word to me. The more you say it, the more it seems to detach from that person and become this sort of abstract thing: that you would set out to find a wife, that it would be an objective like buying a new car.

I grew up, I had three uncles and... I loved Uncle Donald because he gave me dating advice, and I was, like, 5. But the other thing that I found fascinating about my Uncle Donald is he dressed up like a woman. And so I grew up around all of these men who dressed like women, so when I hear that, I don't hear a cause. I hear my family.

No matter how happy and peaceful you can be at a certain time, you always have this - at least, I do - paranoia or catastrophic thought that even now that I have all this peace and quiet, what's the next challenge? What's coming next? On a very human level, I think most people can identify with that.

Dodi got a lot of criticism when he began dating Princess Diana. No one seemed to think he was good enough for her.

I have a healthy body, free of the chemicals that once controlled it.