I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence.

Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance.

In a battle all you need to make you fight is a little hot blood and the knowledge that it's more dangerous to lose than to win.

What we want is to see the child in pursuit of knowledge, and not knowledge in pursuit of the child.

Success does not consist in never making mistakes but in never making the same one a second time.

Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough.

I dislike feeling at home when I am abroad.

Socialism, reduced to its simplest legal and practical expression, means the complete discarding of the institution of private property by transforming it into public property, and the division of the resultant public income equally and indiscriminately among the entire population.

Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.

There is no subject on which more dangerous nonsense is talked and thought than marriage.

Marriage is good enough for the lower classes: they have facilities for desertion that are denied to us.

Lack of money is the root of all evil.

Very few people can afford to be poor.

Clever and attractive women do not want to vote; they are willing to let men govern as long as they govern men.

If women were particular about men's characters, they would never get married at all.

Hell is full of musical amateurs.

Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does.

What Englishman will give his mind to politics as long as he can afford to keep a motor car?

Peace is not only better than war, but infinitely more arduous.

Power does not corrupt men; fools, however, if they get into a position of power, corrupt power.

The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.

One man that has a mind and knows it can always beat ten men who haven't and don't.

Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.

You'll never have a quiet world till you knock the patriotism out of the human race.

All great truths begin as blasphemies.

I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

A little learning is a dangerous thing, but we must take that risk because a little is as much as our biggest heads can hold.

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.

I never thought much of the courage of a lion tamer. Inside the cage he is at least safe from people.

The only service a friend can really render is to keep up your courage by holding up to you a mirror in which you can see a noble image of yourself.

Caesar was a man of great common sense and good taste, meaning thereby a man without originality or moral courage.

Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended.

Home life is no more natural to us than a cage is natural to a cockatoo.

The Nazi movement is in many respects one which has my warmest sympathy.

Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine and at last you create what you will.

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

Statistics show that of those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive.

Animals are my friends... and I don't eat my friends.