Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.

There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.

India has 2,000,000 gods and worships them all. In religion, all other countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire.

When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one.

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.

Loyalty to the Nation all the time, loyalty to the Government when it deserves it.

The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.

We have the best government that money can buy.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.

The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.

I never smoke to excess - that is, I smoke in moderation, only one cigar at a time.

A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relation.

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.

When in doubt tell the truth.

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.

Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.

Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so.

Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

Necessity is the mother of taking chances.

When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.

Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.