W. C. Fields's Quotes

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.

W. C. Fields

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

W. C. Fields

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

W. C. Fields

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

W. C. Fields

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

W. C. Fields

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.

W. C. Fields

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

W. C. Fields

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

W. C. Fields

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

W. C. Fields

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

W. C. Fields

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

W. C. Fields

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

W. C. Fields

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

W. C. Fields

I like children - fried.

W. C. Fields

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

W. C. Fields

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

W. C. Fields

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

W. C. Fields

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

W. C. Fields