If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

Money can't buy you happiness, but it helps you look for it in a lot more places.

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

Now a 'funnyman' can get a laugh before opening his mouth - looking funny. Lou Costello was one of your great funnymen. Harry Langdon, Larry Semon; they were all funnymen - they looked funny. W.C. Fields was never a comedian. Slim Summerville was a comedian, yet looked funny. Now if you have both attributes, you are in good shape.

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?