My happiest memory of childhood was my first birthday in reform school. This teacher took an interest in me. In fact, he gave me the first birthday presents I ever got: a box of Cracker Jacks and a can of ABC shoe polish.

You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.

Funny is an attitude.

The secret of my success with Geraldine is that she's not a putdown of women. She's smart, she's trustful, she's loyal, she's sassy.

The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down.

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.

Things can be funny only when we are in fun. When we're 'dead earnest,' humor is the only thing that is dead.

I have my outlet for my humor through my characters, and I also have the intimacy of rapport with my fans that allows me to explain my philosophy and spirituality.