Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing.

We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.

May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.

I've always said money may buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail.

Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?