If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

Many times I sit back and say, 'I can't believe that this is my life!' Other times, I feel self-satisfied. I mean, there's a lot to be proud and thankful for but, nonetheless, it's just a life!

You don't really need to get married, but marriage is awfully nice. Everybody I know who got married, they say it really makes a difference. They feel very, very happy about it.

I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.

The best mind-altering drug is the truth.

Remember we're all in this alone.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

I grew up in a time when women didn't really do comedy. You had to be homely, overweight, an old maid, all that. You had to play a stereotype, because very attractive women were not supposed to be funny - because it's powerful; it's a threat.

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what's current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all.

Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.