Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.

I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.

We're all screwed up. And the way Christians mess things up is we act like we've got it going on. And if we would just stay in that place of, 'Hey, we're all screwed up and but for the grace of God, none of us have a shot here.' We need to have a sense of humor about it; that's kind of the way I've always faced my comedy.

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.