If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.

When in doubt tell the truth.

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.

Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.

Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so.

Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

Necessity is the mother of taking chances.

When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.

Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.

Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.

Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.