I had a great shoe contract and glove contract with a company who paid me a lot of money never to be seen using their stuff.

When I came up to bat with three men on and two outs in the ninth, I looked in the other team's dugout and they were already in street clothes.

I hope the fans have enjoyed listening as much as I've enjoyed doing the games. I don't ever go to the park where I don't have a good day. I don't like losing. But I don't think I ever go to the park where I have a bad day. I don't think once.

I set records that will never be equaled. In fact, I hope 90% of them don't even get printed.

I make fun of situations and try and find the humor in things, but it's never at the expense of the other guy.