You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.

The great question is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with failure.

America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation.

Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object.

The best intelligence test is what we do with our leisure.

An intelligence test sometimes shows a man how smart he would have been not to have taken it.

Lead, follow, or get out of the way.

It's better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?

Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.

Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively.

Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.