I think honest communication, no matter where it comes from, is positive for a relationship.

There's no idea or concept in comedy you could do that hasn't been attacked from some angle. But if you start leaving punchlines out so you'll look cool, I don't get that. But I don't watch standup anyway, so I don't know what they're doing.

Vegas is famous for a lot of things, and bad marriages are one of them. Margo and I are proof that you can make this work. It just takes a little effort.

If you become famous and don't have a live show to back it up, they're not going to pay you any money.

I begged the universe to make me a famous comedian, and it did. So I tend not to ask for any more.

I don't like to do material people have heard. Now, they like to hear material that they know, because that's the stuff that made me famous, and, unfortunately, I don't do a ton of it.

Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane.

I didn't get where I am today by worryin' about how I'd feel tomorrow.

I've been offered starring roles in horrible movies, but I just didn't want to do it. I don't see why you would.

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

The next time you have a thought... let it go.

The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith's 'What It Was, Was Football.' I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn't know what any of it meant.

As a small child, I could watch anything happen and tell a story, and it was funny.

My uncle was a preacher, and I used to go watch him preach. He was also funny, so I'm very 'preacher-ish' on stage, not by intent but because that's where I learned to talk in front of people.

People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic.

My biggest pet peeve, I guess, is other comedians criticizing Larry the Cable Guy.

There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.

A lot of people can find something to laugh at in my humor, I guess.

I was talking to a guy who was holding his 18-month-old daughter with the only limb he had left, and he had a smile on his face. I thought, 'I'm not even a 10th of this man.'