Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.

Never floss with a stranger.

I truly think comedy is - being funny is DNA. My dad was a doctor, a wonderful doctor, and people still come up to me today, 'Your father helped my mother die.' You know what I'm saying? He made her laugh 'til she died. My father was always very funny.

Prince Charles is so funny. So, so funny.

I have no line. If I think it's funny, it's funny.

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.

Read as you taste fruit or savor wine, or enjoy friendship, love or life.

Good words are worth much, and cost little.

Sometimes the best gain is to lose.

He that cannot forgive others, breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass if he would ever reach heaven; for everyone has need to be forgiven.

One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.

Do not wait; the time will never be 'just right.' Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along.

A gentle heart is tied with an easy thread.

Night is the mother of counsels.

There would be no great men if there were no little ones.

He that is not handsome at 20, nor strong at 30, nor rich at 40, nor wise at 50, will never be handsome, strong, rich or wise.

In conversation, humor is worth more than wit and easiness more than knowledge.

Deceive not thy physician, confessor, nor lawyer.

A lean compromise is better than a fat lawsuit.

None knows the weight of another's burden.

Be calm in arguing; for fierceness makes error a fault, and truth discourtesy.

Prayer should be the key of the day and the lock of the night.

Life is half spent before we know what it is.

I feel friendship towards philosophers, but towards sophists, teachers of literature, or any other such kind of godforsaken people, I neither feel friendship now, nor may I ever do so in the future.

The gods do not need sacrifices, so what might one do to please them? Acquire wisdom, it seems to me, and do all the good in one's power to those humans who deserve it.

Multicolored stones and paintings, walkways, and theaters are useless in a city unless it also contains wisdom and law. Such things are the subject of wisdom and law, not equivalent to them.

A man must fortify himself and understand that a wise man who yields to laziness or anger or passion or love of drink, or who commits any other action prompted by impulse and inopportune, will probably find his fault condoned; but if he stoops to greed, he will not be pardoned, but render himself odious as a combination of all vices at once.

As soldiers need not only courage but tactics also, so does a philosopher need not only courage and philosophy but discernment also, to tell what his right time of dying is - so that he neither seek it nor flee it.

Every day, you have to make three hours of music, just randomly improvising, and that's a great way to weed stuff out.

Be free, and live life fully.

Offence is no longer defence - it's a full-time profession. Everyone is so offended all the time. The new police force that we weren't told about: the moral police. No qualifications, no training, no understanding of actual morality, but they have a degree in the art of being offended.

As a child, as a cinemagoer, I think there is nothing better than being in a cinema or watching a film. I think it's just a while magical... it almost feels like you're at a big party in India, where you're singing, you're dancing, you're laughing, you're crying, you feel like you're at a wedding because our films invariably cover all emotions.

In my experience, I think there's must ado about fidelity and infidelity. I think sometimes true emotional relationships can go beyond those.

I don't know about happy endings, because I don't think, eventually, anything is happy. You feel a bout of happiness with good news. Five minutes later, there could be a traffic jam or a phone call from an irritating relative or a weird thought, or it could be a tweet that annoys you, and your emotion will flip immediately.

There are ups and downs in so many relationships, but with Shah Rukh, there is deep love. There's no other way of communicating the respect and love I have for him. And I believe that ours will be a dynamic, and relationship and connect that will be forever.

I am always acting, be at a party, at work or in office. My attitude changes from meeting to meeting, from being serious to intense to funny, depending on who is in the room.

I'm sad, upset, and disheartened with the trolling that happens on social media... At the end of the day, this whole homophobia is so disheartening and upsetting. And then they say, 'Why don't you speak about your sexuality? You could be iconic in this country.' But I don't want to be iconic anywhere. I want to live my life.

Legal documents have mistrust written all over them. It's unfortunate, but the human DNA is so tuned to kind of taking you for granted that we tend to protect ourselves legally. That's why I don't read them as, if I read them, I will go soft. To me, the human relationship is far more important than the professional bond I share with anyone.

My mother was keen that I complete my graduation and never ever wanted me to be in the movies, as my father had made five films that lost money. One of the films he made was 'Agneepath,' which was hugely hyped but underwhelming at the box office, and I remember that my dad had to sell my grandmother's flat to pay off the loan.

For me, my country comes first. Nothing else matters but my country. I always felt that the best way to express your patriotism is to spread love, and that's all I ever tried to do through my work and my cinema.

I know I don't mind sharing my defects, my deficiencies, partly in the hope that someone will hear it and know that they're not alone.

My college friends call me Karu, which is the worst. Only in our country can we make a short form for a short name. But otherwise, I've never had a pet name all my life. But now, in official meetings, someone will call me KJo. And I'll judge that person in my head. Just call me Karan.

Maybe Christmas, the Grinch thought, doesn't come from a store.

Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!