People are getting careers from YouTube and uploading videos. And they're totally different - you can't necessarily be funny on a video, and then all of a sudden you're live in a theater. You don't have the tools yet. It's a lot more involved to go from being funny on a little iPhone screen to being live in front of people and being funny.

It's funny how the hippies and the punks tried to get rid of the conservatives, but they always seem to get the upper hand in the end.

It's funny: I was a photographer before I was a programmer.

I hate to say it but I hate black humor. I feel like a Klan member saying it, but it's just not funny.

One man's folly is another man's wife.

I would ask my mother to show me how to walk - and she did show me. That's why I think it's funny when people say, 'Did so-and-so teach you how to walk?' And I always say, 'You must be talking about my mother, because it was my mother who taught me how to walk.'

Sometimes people get mad at The Simpsons' subversive story telling, but there's another message in there, which is a celebration of making wild, funny stories.

On 'The Simpsons,' I will say that we definitely like to comment on what's going on in the world, and we try to be funny. If we can figure out a way of being funny about it, then we've gone part of the way of accomplishing our task.

I'm like, bursting. I should be working. I don't want to take a break. It's funny, on set, I don't have to go to the bathroom, I don't have anything wrong, I'm perfectly fine, so through-and-through. I'm not hungry. I'm literally not even in my own body.

I always find it kind of embarrassing, kind of funny, and kind of exciting. In New York I'm recognized a lot, although nobody says anything. You know, they stare at you just a second too long. But in Paris it's not as commonplace to be recognized.

The things that make me angry still make me angry. George Carlin is 67, and he's still as funny as he's ever been, and he's still angry. And that makes me feel good, because I feel like if I stick around long enough, I'll still be able to work.

I write what I think is funny and I write from a sense of popping a balloon or a sense of injustice, whether it's about yourself, or whether it's about something else. It's my worldview; it doesn't mean that everybody has to agree with it.

You can't teach somebody how to be funny. You're either funny, or you ain't.

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

Humor, for me, is really a gate of departure. It's a way of enticing a reader into a poem so that less funny things can take place later. It really is not an end in itself, but a means to an end.

I think I have an inner confidence that my tastes are pretty simple, that what I find funny finds a wide audience. I'm not particularly intellectual or clever or minority-focused in my creative instincts. And I'm certainly not aware of suppressing more sophisticated ambitions.

So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?

Achingly funny as it was, Larry Gelbart's writing gave off sparks that turned a hard light on the way we are.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

A lot of funny stuff happens in Canada.

I've always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they're just not comedians. In fact, some of my best comedic inspirations were not professional entertainers.

I thought 'Borat' was a breakthrough comedy, because it was really funny. It wasn't some studio-produced script with 14 writers.

'Dirty Rotten Scoundrels' is a good one because it not only turned out, I think, to be a really funny movie but it was also a delight to shoot. We were in the South of France, working with Glenne Headly and Michael Caine and Frank Oz the director - who were just fun.

I buy so much fake jewelry, it's funny. It's not real. I don't wear real diamonds or anything.

I don't know why I get away with some things. But I'm not a misogynistic, racist person. Yet I do find those jokes funny, so I say them. And I try to say everything kind of in a good spirit.

I don't know, maybe I'm immature, but I still find it funny if I dump cold water on my girlfriend when she's in the shower.

Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.

I'd rather try and cram in another two gags than leave a pause to say, 'Hey, wasn't that bit funny?'

I just want to be myself and be real and be funny.

It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish.

I went through a phase where I thought it was really funny to make pratfalls in very crowded places. I jumped out of a moving car once, for a laugh. That was a mistake.

The men I idolized built their bodies and became somebody - like Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger - and I thought, 'That can be me.' So I started working out. The funny thing is I didn't realize back then that I was having a defining moment.

But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it's funny enough.

It's funny what a few no-hitters do for a body.

It is quite possible for the vulgar to be funny, but to succeed, it must rise to a certain genius.

Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.

What do I know of man's destiny? I could tell you more about radishes.

I was scared by social media - just scared of what I might attract. Once I broke onto that thing, because I needed it for my band to tell people about shows, I realized, 99 percent of the time, people are funny, clever, inventive, beautiful.

I'm sure all actors have trouble. The guy who always plays the funny guy, he wants to be taken seriously. And there's the action guy who wants to do serious stuff. Everyone's grass is greener.

I would say just start writing. You've got to write every day. Copy someone that you like if you think that perhaps could become your sound, too. I did that with Hemingway, and I thought I was writing just like Hemingway. Then all of a sudden it occurred to me - he didn't have a sense of humor. I don't know anything he's written that's funny.

What after all, is a halo? It's only one more thing to keep clean.

I like Jacques Derrida; I think he's funny. I like my philosophy with a few jokes and puns. I know that that offends other philosophers; they think he's not taking things seriously, but he comes up with some marvellous puns. Why shouldn't you have a bit of fun while dealing with the deepest issues of the mind?

You know, Lincoln was funny. I don't think F.D.R. was very funny. But Lincoln was funny. Lincoln was really funny. But I think you should get elected first, and then show that you're funny.

We need two kinds of acquaintances, one to complain to, while to the others we boast.

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

Shirley MacLaine said, You're so funny, then gave me a hug. Everything went white. I couldn't hear, I couldn't see. I thought I was going to pass out.

A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.

When I was in improv workshops or doing stand-up or writing comedy with others, or just doing comedy, I just laughed. Funny was funny; I loved to laugh. I always liked people I found generally funny.

I've always surrounded myself with funny people.

Being funny, in some ways, is about being connected to psychology.