It's so funny, you go to acting school thinking you're going to learn how to be other people, but really it taught me how to be myself. Because it's in understanding yourself deeply that you can lend yourself to another person's circumstances and another person's experience.

To handle that stardom, the red carpets, the photo shoots, people all of a sudden recognizing you and following you in everyday life, it's a bit weird. It's strange, and it can have funny effects on you in terms of do you like it or don't you like it. Some people run away from it, some people embrace it; I found a good middle ground.

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

I've been fascinated by the Internet from the very start. In 2001, I had made a funny black-and-white film called 'How to Dance Properly,' a short video of me dancing to a Madonna song. I sent it to 17 of my friends on a Thursday, and by Monday, one million people a day were logging on to view it.

The avant-garde theater is fun; it is free-swinging, bold, iconoclastic, and often wildly, wildly funny. If you will approach it with childlike innocence - putting your standard responses aside, for they do not apply - if you will approach it on its own terms, I think you will be in for a liberating surprise.

Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings.

If something is shocking without being funny it's hard to justify.

The first day one is a guest, the second a burden, and the third a pest.

Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested.

Let's have some new cliches.

When I was young, I'd watch guys on 'The Tonight Show', Buddy Hackett, guys like that, where all they'd be is funny. Later, I remember, on 'Late Night with Letterman', I remember he'd have Jay Leno and Richard Lewis as first guests and the entire point was to entertain and be funny, and I think talk shows have kind of lost that.

That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.

I direct with energy. I believe in energy. I think energy is an electric thing in actors. I try to inspire, encourage, and make choices with lots of energy. And truth. I'm big fan of truth and being funny. I like leading 50 people into battle every day.

I could sooner reconcile all Europe than two women.

I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny.

Conversation would be vastly improved by the constant use of four simple words: I do not know.

But a funny thing happened four years later. I was invited to play for an alumni team against the Red Wings.

If my life wasn't funny, it would just be true, and that's unacceptable.

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

There's only one true superpower amongst human beings, and that is being funny. People treat you differently if you can make them laugh.

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.

Unless someone wants to look funny, I'll not recommend anyone to copy my bowling action. But on a serious note, with the confidence that I have got from the amount of runs I have been scoring, when I'm thrown the ball to bowl, I am pretty sure of what I have to do. I may not be the most attractive to watch while bowling, but I can be effective.

If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?

I never said most of the things I said.

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

One picture is worth 1,000 denials.

Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house with the conscious design of doing me good, I should run for my life.

The next time you have a thought... let it go.

I'm blonde and tanned and normal-sized! I'm sweet, shy, funny, have a big heart and I'm nice - and I like to eat.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

I was just a goofy little funny kid, who was always getting sent to the principal. It wasn't serious because I was smart. I wasn't like a true troublemaker, just rambunctious - like, talkative and trying to be funny. That was me in middle-school.

When Jonathan Winters died, it was like, 'Oh, man!' I knew he was frail, but I always thought he was going to last longer. I knew him as being really funny, but at the same time, he had a dark side.

I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible.

I'm not funny. What I am is brave.

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

It's funny how seeing a love story never gets boring, because it's the dream, isn't it? It's the dream to have a true connection with another human being.

Filming is a funny combination of having a good time and not being able to wait until it's over.

The parrot's so funny. He imitates me and I don't even realize he's doing it. I'm walking around the house talking to myself and whistling and the next day he's said something I've said... it's scary you know?